Life Goes On

Venturing out
from my MS cubbyhole
I find life goes on.

Others live in state
of blissful ignorance of
my challenged status.

I could feel slighted
or be prodded to engage
in constructive ways.

We Are Various

Humans fascinate.
We come in many colors.
We fight and we love.

Some like the blue seas.
Others like mountain climbing,
and some like nothing.

We crowd each other.
We flee from any contact.
Interesting bunch.

New Visitor

New lesion spotted

in my MS-speckled brain,

and it's enhancing.

It hardly seems fair.

I’m thinking of getting pissed

and throwing dishes.

I had better chill.
That might be the better way
than stressing myself.

A Cognitive Blip

You may have noticed
yesterday I posted twice
instead of just once.

I tried and I tried
to schedule them properly
and each time I failed.

That’s what can happen
in the midst of a full-blown
exacerbation.

My Current Mantra

Of course I am fine.
I am absolutely fine.
I am very fine.

That I am in an
exacerbation doesn’t
decide who I am.

I am very fine.
I am absolutely fine.
Of course I am fine.

The Dream I Share

Getting my legs back,
a dream I share with others.
It will happen yet.

I am not sure how
or what day that will happen,
but I bank on it.

We don’t understand
how the body really works.
Cures are possible.

Therapy and Brain Signals

A weakened hamstring
means I can’t do heel to butt,
impairing my gait.

My therapist says
I can prompt the brain to change
its errant signals.

PT focuses
on strengthening my muscles.
The brain may catch up.

Reinventing Myself

This life would have been
hard to imagine before
but it’s my life now.

To thrive or stay stuck,
I have choices to make
that determine joy.

Opportunity
presents itself to invent
myself happily.

The Cycle of Existence

At a given time
half the world is in sunlight,
the other half dark.

Soon each will switch sides
and learn like the other half
how to reinvent.

The cycle goes on
right into infinity.
This is existence.

The Grim Reality

Peeing all the time,
the pain, falls, and dizziness
are no fun at all.

Things can get much worse.

Anything the body does

this illness affects.

Am I tired of this?

You bet your sweet ass I am.

I want my life back.

Keeping Up

On-the-job training,
accelerated learning.
That’s the MS life.

Things can change so fast
that it is hard to keep up
and get adjusted.

New skills are fostered,
resilience among them.
We’re masters at change.

Breathing and Healing

A breathing technique,
the in and out of it.
Some use this to heal.

Eastern practices
have taught westerners a lot
about this tool.

Yoga, zen, et al.
involve the whole of us in
mind-body healing.

Patience

Be patient with me.
Things take me longer to do
than they did before.

I may look the same,
and I am glad that I do
but inside I’m changed.

My wiring system
has faulty insulation.
Its sheaths are scarred.

Love's Journey

I once made love with
my beloved knowing my
life’s journey was blessed.

I did not perceive
that my path would soon diverge
from the expected.

I have had to learn
how to love differently
and still rejoice.

St. Patrick's Day

On St. Patrick's Day

in Chicago the river

turns emerald green.

Helpers

Very nice helpers
come to unburden me of
chores I can’t do now.

Without their kind help,
dust bunnies accumulate
and start chasing me.

Dust and I aren’t friends
so I’m glad to have some help
to keep my place clean.

Need for Convenience

Shopping at the mall
takes place on the internet.
I don’t have to walk.

There is a downside.
The fit might not be perfect,
but that matters less.

My vanity bows
to need for convenience
so I compromise.

The Power of Imaging

Quieting the brain
to picture an action works
in sports or healing.

Pitcher, sharpshooter
will mentally envision
a physical move.

The brain will then change

as action is mapped out.
All can do that too.

Improved Efficiency

When fatigue kicks in,
routine tasks and demands tend
to overwhelm me.

It is amazing
how much I still accomplish
in those trying times.

In my former life,
I was not as efficient.
I’ve become more so.

In Praise of Love

I find that people

want to be giving and kind.
This won’t get much press.

Noise makes the news.
So does anger and distrust.
Love, though, not so much.

I want to salute
those who express quiet love.
They deserve much praise.

Accessibility

Does that path support
my unsteady gait, my cane,
maybe my walker?

Can a wheelchair pass
over the pebbles and rocks
or should I stay here?

I could imagine
the journey’s thrill but prefer
to live it instead.

Managing the Future

The threat of relapse
hangs over many of us.
Ever present threat.

Assured nice future

is not anyone’s fate but

ours feels scary.

Whether we manage
this future with fear or love
decides joy’s presence.

May You …

Have light shine away
the darkness of your valley
so you can reach home.

Meet along the way
strangers who treat you kindly
and with a full smile.

Feel deep in your heart
the warmth of those beside you
who also love you.

The Laws of Nature

There is no training
for a life without one's legs.
They are made to work.

Nature did not place
legs on a torso through whim.
Legs are meant to walk.

The laws of nature

have been willfully broken

by MS disease.

Community

I have come to know
my fellow bloggers online.
They provide support.

Through the written word,
I feel as if I know them.
They become my friends.

A community
formed from shared experience
ferries us along.

Walking Then and Now

Walking is routine
for others but not for me.
I wish it were, though.

It used to be so.
I shopped and played like them.
Didn’t give it thought.

Now my walking needs
certain aides and attention.
Preparation, too.

A Detour

Saw the report of
former mates’ accomplishments.
They achieved a lot.

I took a detour

focused on health, not career.
Hard to compare both.

Without MS
would I have achieved like them?
I will never know.

A Balanced Life

I have a good life,
one not defined by MS,
a rewarding life.

If I focus here
on my trials and concerns,
it’s to release them.

I don’t always dwell
on my sometimes empty glass.
I often fill it.

I Wish I Could Fix You

A father sputters,
furious at fate which blocks

his efforts to help.

Oh, my darling girl,
how I wish I could fix you,
caring father thinks.

Tradition manqué.
MS cares little for rules.
It likes to break them.

Testing My Resolve

Gripped sometimes by a
fear vague in its insistence,
I lose my courage.

Uncertainty births
an enervating dread of
the MS unknowns.

Staying stuck in fear
tests my resolve to be strong.

It is frustrating.

Equilibrium

I can easily
blow over like a feather,
yet not gracefully.

Slow motion drifting
to the approaching ground
while painting the air.

Calibration of

vestibular function to
body gone astray.