Fellow Travelers

We found a link.
Millions of blogs and yet
we have connected.

I am not alone
traveling on this journey.
It does my heart good.

I learn a great deal
from the stories that you share
the good and the bad.

Good Enough?

If I could freeze time
retain my current function,
that would be a win.

A real mind bender
accepting things won’t improve
might even get worse.

Never much a fan
of settling for good enough,
I may change my mind.

What I Aim to Do

I aim to create
something of value while here
on this planet Earth.

Perhaps I do not
have to justify myself.
Living is enough.

Not strictly needed,
I will still wish to enhance
rather than subtract.

Work in Progress

The present moment,
that is where I need to be
or so I am told.

How to avoid
surfing an unknown future,
my present challenge.

Wisdom will suggest
not troubling trouble not here.
Still working on that.

Moments Like These

The surreal moments.
Your mind says you’re powerful.
You can’t move a step.

Heartbreaking moments.
Past pride in staying solvent
slain by unpaid bills.

Character moments.
You stiffen your back and swear
this will not beat me.

CCSVI – Reality and Hope

What is evident.
The panacea wished for
falls short of a cure.

Hope remains in play.
Expanded research model
may still bring answers.

With time and study
how blood flow affects MS
may be determined.

AC to the Rescue

This scorching summer
we live AC to AC.
Otherwise we melt.

It is a known fact.
Summer with no AC means
one is in trouble.

Another known fact.
You’re not a wimp if you say,
It is too damned hot.

Thinking of Norway

Horror in Norway
evil trampling over good
and peaceful people.

Hatred and madness
aim to terrorize the will
of the best in us.

Treasured ways of life
threatened for Norway and all.
Never surrender.

Wish It Weren't So

With nonMSers,
common ground eludes us
as MS gets worse.

Friendship is tested
when shared experiences
become less and less.

Love, health and wealth goals
similar aims are perceived
through an altered prism.

Selfless Giving

A burden is placed
on those who deserve it least,
the ones who love us.

Swept in by fate’s wake,
in shock even as they help,
they still lend a hand.

No compensation
could ever be sufficient,
and they don’t seek it.

When MS Arrives …

All “get” MS too.
The spouse turns caregiver.
Children watch with fear.

Far reaching impact
the multiplier effect
will spread the burden.

Now a family,
destabilized and unmoored,
in need of support.

Which Do You Prefer?

Summer has beach trips,
shirtsleeves, eye shades, and sandals.
Wonderful but hot.

We become hermits
trusting electricity
to power AC.

Compared to winter,
ice, shivering, and chilblains
I’ll still take summer.

The Accidental Expert

Unexpected task
having to research and find
my own solutions.

Some will remind me
I did not attend med school
and am no expert.

Here is the problem.
Experts themselves lack answers.
Whom do I turn to?

What Do I Know?

At age twenty one,
I knew all there was to know.
I could rule the world.

Thirty made me think
others might know more than I
and I needed them.

I am at a stage
now I wonder if I know
anything at all.

The Way Things Mostly Are

Leg drags and buckles.
Balance goes teeter totter.
Fatigue waxes strong.

From hither to yon,
I struggle with common tasks
stumbling and sliding.

Yeah, I hate MS.
Okay, I have vented now.
Thanks for listening.

I Want to Believe That …

Life is a blessing.
Joy is a birthright gift.
Gentleness is mine.

Discord and sorrow
oppressive and enduring
can be overcome.

Love will seek a way
to salve even the deepest
open wounds of loss.

Life's Adventure

Life takes me places
I never dreamed I would go
some great, some not so.

I will still explore
mostly with great interest
the next adventure.

MS might just be
the only exploration
whose journey I dread.

Blackout

Blackout tonight,
all my visual clues gone,
looked for a flashlight.

I teeter tottered.
Frightened I dropped to the floor
crawled on hands and knees.

In the full darkness,
caught by surprise ill-equipped,
I felt weak and scared.

Have I Found It Yet?

Looking for the key
which opens the door to health
and recovery.

Have I done enough?
Have I tried everything,
left no rock unturned?

A pile of discards
litters the trail behind me
of things I have tried.

Uh-Oh

It crept up on me.
Unaware, I have become
mostly home bound.

The grocery store
going to see a movie
I do less and less.

Ordinary tasks
became too complex and hard.
I avoid them.

Goals Shift

I wake up with hope
that the day treats me kindly
and I function well.

Reality comes
its insistent roar resembling
a thundering herd.

Make-do replaces hope.
Getting through the day unscathed
becomes the key goal.

What I Prefer

I will take kindness
over almost anything
that glitters and shines.

I will place my trust
in steady unassuming
gentleness that lasts.

I find joy in
a quiet conversation
peaceful and caring.

Appearance and Reality

Daily I practice
pushing myself past limits
to better myself.

Small interval feats
conceal prevailing losses.
Some might think me well.

I alone can tell
what a stretch things are for me.
Others might be fooled.

Trying to Figure It Out

A continuing
conversation with myself
to grasp this illness.

Compelled to let go
dreams and capabilities,
I seek clarity.

What I find varies.
Composure, fight or sadness
alternate within.

Friendly Advice

Letting people know
you have this awful illness
may trigger advice.

A friend got bee stings.
A distant cousin was cured
by being up-beat.

People will mean well.
I opt not to inform them
how complex this is.

I Needed to Find Joy. The Drakensberg Boys Choir Helped Me Find It.

May …

their joy translate
into a way of life
for them and the world

their harmony smooth
the harshness and division
the world imposes

their love find its way
and through them reach all of us
my blessing and wish

Hello! ¡Aló!

This you may not know.
Spanish was my native tongue.
Then I learned English.

The tables have turned.
I speak mostly English now,
less and less Spanish.

My blog’s URL
cleaves to the Latin in me.
May peace be with you.

Happy Anniversary

Twenty years ago,
we exchanged wedding vows
for better or worse.

We have been tested
the highs and lows of living
in sickness and health.

Here we are today
still honoring our vows
til death do us part.

The Remaining Question

I still have big dreams
goals I would like to achieve
while I am still here.

I have stopped asking
what life is all about.
There is no answer.

One question I ask,
What is uniquely my own
to accomplish well?

A Balancing Act

I gather comfort
from facing reality
even if not good.

I may speak of loss
acknowledging its power.
I still will seek gain.

A balanced approach
noting the good with the bad
is my preferred way.

Still in Shock

It does seem surreal
to lose my ability
to walk normally.

I can barely grasp
this loss’s reality.
It affects so much.

Denied assurance
this is as bad as it gets,
closure is quite hard.