In the Middle of the Night

Sipping chamomile
in the middle of the night
hoping I can sleep.

One night I sleep well
the next I am wide awake
the reason obscure.

Lack of sleep makes worse
challenges already faced
with chronic fatigue.

This Economy

This economy
has a scorched earth policy.
Takes no prisoners.

I may reflect hence
on how stalwart I once was
during trying times.

Right now I observe
relentlessly unfolding
human suffering.

We All Climb Mountains

An MSer has
climbed the world’s highest peaks.
I salute her feats.

I must highlight though
the lower but just as hard
heights we scale daily.

Lacking press acclaim,
our daily “Mt. Everests”
still merit high praise.

What, How, Who?

A good or bad sign?
Prickliness in my numb hands
a random event?

How should I react?
With fear things are getting worse?
Or is feeling back?

Who knows with MS?
Too many variables
to know what is up.

Giving Up the Car

giving up the car
independence forsaken
for prudent safety

a rite of passage
adolescence and old age
now MS driven

a gut wrenching loss
self esteem and freedom thrashed
a complete life change

Quiet Courage

The quiet courage
my fellow MSers show
awes and inspires me.

You exemplify
in the good times and in bad
true heroism.

Here is my thank you.
You keep the candles burning.
You hold hope aloft.

What Lifts My Spirits

palm fronds sway gently
native pines spill their needles
pink hibiscus floats

mallards ply the lakes
otters peek and hide
turtles sun on banks

sprawling oaks shelter
sea-grass-covered dunes protect
egrets soar and glide

A Nurse with MS - Mary's Story

unique perspective
as a nurse and a patient
living with MS

Mary addresses
what it means to have MS
a powerful post

from first-hand knowledge
the emotions and science
Mary’s story told

Sometimes ...

I hate this disease
this MonSter that laughs at me
and my best efforts

flattery will fail
fighting will be a fool’s game
with uneven odds

nothing can prepare
a tender or hardened heart
for this twist of fate

The Questions I Ask

Why me? I still ask.
Then I will say, Why not me?
There is no answer.

The luck of the draw
I ended up with MS.
I want a new hand.

This is the last hand.
I am stuck with what I have,
bad cards and good ones.

On This Path

on the MS path
the center line might be clear
but still can't reach home

flawed nerves in common
diversity in symptoms
we all have MS?

we seek each other
to get a bearing which guides
on this lonely path

The Caregiver Paradox

love fuels the giving
but burnout and grief threaten
the selfless giver

wounded and mourning
the carer’s need for comfort
must take second place

closure elusive
an endless sadness and guilt
waxing and waning

This Works for Me

Rolling my eyes is
not a mark of displeasure
but great exercise.

An external sign
of the nervous system’s health,
the eyes are unique.

See if you like it.
Roll your eyes in figure eights.
Your toes may wake up.

Accidental but Grateful Comrades

With deep gratitude,
Wheelchair Kamikaze’s post
salutes our kinship.

First among equals,
it is he who should take bows
for affirming life.

We are in his debt.
As mentor and comforter,
he softens our blows.

I Do Not Know ...

how they still view me
the people who have known me
but I am still me

what others may think
as I stumble and shuffle
but I am still me

what it is folks hear
when I am hoarse and shaky
but I am still me

Are They Okay?

People meet online
friendships and ties established,
all fighting MS.

You will come to care
for friends who then disappear.
You do not know why.

You start to wonder
Has their MS gotten worse?
Are they suffering?

A Shout Out to Those Who Still Work

That MSers work,
I am in serious awe
they can pull it off.

I once held a job
ran meetings and managed staff
though I had MS.

My job life ended.
In my thirties I retired
to take care of me.

Morning After Regrets

I feel regretful
after I write of sadness.
I should be cheerful.

The expectation
one should just grin and bear it
lurks in there somewhere.

A stiff upper lip
though useful is not enough.
Sadness is quite real.

What I Must Do

This is what I know.
It is okay to grieve loss.
A lot has been lost.

I seek solace but
first I must allow grieving
or it will slay me.

With tears I will hear
a sad Portuguese fado
while I stitch my wounds.

On 9/11

Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that. Hate multiplies hate, violence multiplies violence, and toughness multiplies toughness in a descending spiral of destruction.... The chain reaction of evil — hate begetting hate, wars producing more wars — must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.


Martin Luther King, Jr.

For Better or Worse I Am Still Driven

Unabashed striver.
Losing my job and career
left my drive untouched.

Doing just okay
is not in my DNA.
I aim to excel.

This is my M.O.
I might be dragging ass but
I will do it well.

What I Can Do

With no guarantees
of what the future may bring,
I extol today.

I work hard right now,
to stay in the best of health
in what I control.

A lot eludes me,
but I still claim victories
in things I can do.

Destabilized

used to be a time
I knew the rules of the game
but they keep changing

at times a rookie
not a seasoned veteran
at mastering life

no terra firma
my feet can grip for safety
only loose quicksand

A Ragdoll

a ragdoll effect
when all the oomph will leave one
collapsed in a heap

plumes of energy
exit in hazy halo
leaving a vacuum

what accounts for
the energy ups and downs
unexplainable

What Is Our Role?

We MS bloggers
comprise a small percentage
of those who are ill.

Are we a voice
for largely silent people
who need to be heard?

What is our role?
Just simple self expression?
Must we advocate?

Things That Make Me Laugh

Movies featuring
Tyler Perry’s Madea.
Dazzling comedy.

My fantasizing
I have won the Power Ball.
It turns me giddy.

Julio Cortázar’s
Rayuela dialogue.
Brilliant novel.

Still Seeking Grace

If this were Swan Lake
undulating arms might please.
This is not ballet.

My MS dance spins
awkward fits and starts that miss
effortless beauty.

How to find the grace
despite my life’s condition
still remains a goal.

Adjusting

Today I woke up
determined to live my life
intentionally.

Will was not enough.
My goals were influential
but not decisive.

I had to adjust
to the sudden startling whims
of life with MS.

Head in the Sand

When I got the news.
I did not have room for it
so I ignored it.

The years passed by
my head still stuck in the sand
and in denial.

When I raised my head.
things were worse than I had feared
but I hid again.

It'll Take Humor Anytime

A funny sad post.
Sherry of Have Myelin
tweaked my funny bone.

Leopard print Depends,
that is the startling image
Sherry came up with.

Making fun of loss
verges on being cheeky
but it beats crying.