So Long

almost just about
2011 going
heading for the past

a year’s end evokes
the customary survey
of one's highs and lows

no surprises here
the desired cure did not come
my world still flourished

Surprises

Surprises will come.
Careful planning is toppled.
Shock and hurt may stun.

That no guarantees
exist for anyone’s life
does not ease the blow.

The unexpected
upends life as one knew it,
leaving one reeling.

Ever Expanding To Do List

a vanishing act
starting a project with hope
poof! energy fades

unfinished projects
littered across the landscape
of my intentions

I say to myself
just add to the growing list
extend the deadline

A Child's View

“Let me draw,” he said.
Pencil and paper granted,
he then drew his world.

Flanked by gramp and gram,
he saw clouds through the window
balanced by the sun.

Safe and protected,
he drew smiles and open arms,
certain in his love.

Minding Your Mitochondria by Dr. Terry Wahls

Challenged by MS,
Dr. Terry Wahls fought hard
to restore her health.

Her walking impaired,
she surveyed MS research
and designed a plan.

She now walks freely
and tests her plan on others.
She found that it works.

The Anvil of Character

whatever our life
before the illness arrived
we shed known patterns

called to a greatness
of spirit and character
forged through suffering

a better person
may emerge unwittingly
thanks for that at least

Merry Christmas y Feliz Navidad

A Christmas greeting
to you and your family.
Wishing you much joy.

Holidays

Holidays, oh yeah.
Some will look forward to them.
Others will dread them.

When I used to work,
holidays were a respite,
a time to renew.

Renewal takes on
a different look these days,
hopefully still fun.

A Welcome Surprise

the doorbell rings late
what a surprise awaits us
there stands a dear friend

across the country
he flew to come and tell us
his love is steadfast

precious time savored
among friends long true and dear
gratitude expressed

Our Christmas Posse

the Christmas tree up
festooned with baubles and lights
a lighthouse on top

our Christmas posse
the hand-carved collectibles
spread throughout the house

gazing at the spread
remembering all the years
of shared tradition

Finding the Glory

With big dreams in flight,
how does one find transcendence
in what is then left?

How can one transmute
the mundane and trivial
into distinction?

Finding the glory
in what small steps one can take
turns into a goal.

Happy Holidays

Travelers journey.
A migration has started,
many heading home.

High expectations,
even higher hopes abound
for a happy time.

Families gather.
Friends will seek each other out
to celebrate life.

How To Be With A Disabled Person

Things become awkward.
Friends and family struggle
with how best to act.

Cathy Aten shares
guidelines for how to be with
someone disabled.

Flexibility
mutual respect goes far
acts of kindness too.

Fessing Up

Can we just admit
how freakin scared we can get
when MS acts up?

I will raise my hand.
It scares the crap out of me,
I don’t mind saying.

Yeah, I am brave, sure.
I do make the best of it,
but it gets scary.

We May Not Always Agree

We come in all types:
happy, angry, lively, dull.
Well adjusted. Not.

We are humans first
with emotional baggage
predating MS.

Now thrust together,
we may not always agree.
Compassion can rule.

What I Seek

When I first got ill
I went searching for answers,
found many and none.

A new paradigm
fast unfolded for my life.
Uncertainty ruled.

Finding light and joy
despite unstable MS
I will still seek that.

The Complete Picture

The good news police
displeased at hearing sad news
will scold and sputter.

I accept the goal
of searching for upbeat news
but spurn denial.

As a whole being,
I embrace the full picture,
joy and sorrow mixed.

This I Can Do Without

What a way to live,
a mad rush to the bathroom,
trumping everything.

One might be cooking,
eating, dressing or talking.
Urgency cuts in.

Work, play, duty, fun,
colleagues, friends, loved ones all lose
to nature’s grim call.

I Guess I Am A Poet

What surprising turns
a life can take on the path
of simply living.

The Barefoot Review
chose to publish my poems,
two honored this month.

Poetry tells truths.
Clear notes broadcast to the world
so all understand.

The Hard Fact Is ...

It hits most of us.
Sooner or later it comes,
some problem walking.

It may start early
or it may wait thirty years.
Mild or strong, it comes.

This unwanted guest
though never welcomed will stay
and stay and stay and ….

The Truth Is ...

I often resist
a self image embracing
a me who is ill.

Do I think by flight
I outpace cunning MS?
I am not that swift.

Who I used to be
I will never be again.
Who is the new me?

What Stops Me Cold

I can go along
thinking this is not so bad.
I am used to this.

What will stop me cold.
A new symptom strikes terror.
I am getting worse!

Where is this headed?
Will I end up non compos,
alone, broke, crippled?

Outside My Window

a sky draped in gray
cloud garlands heavy and dense
equivocal sun

what heaviness reigns
fingers of tenebrous light
filtered and opaque

burden of shadows
freighting spirits and bodies
still seeking the sun

A Permanent Vacation? Not.

Early retirement,
when it’s not voluntary,
fast loses its charm.

Do I enjoy my
forced permanent "vacation"?
Appearances lie.

Left unfinished were
enough money saved, friendships,
professional goals.

Tested

I had to find out
how tough my character was
when I felt most weak.

Forced to call on strength,
though feeling vulnerable,
I eked out spirit.

Resolve did falter.
Resilience seemed fleeting.
But I still fought on.

A Journey's Rest Stop

a journey’s rest stop
the shade of a tree cover
a soft ground beneath

the traveler seeks
on paths both smooth and brambled
a place to take stock

life’s questions pondered
perspective and wisdom gained
courage and will sought

Chronic versus Acute Illness

They are different,
chronic and acute illness,
which affects treatment.

Modern medicine,
targeting acute treatment,
struggles with chronic.

MS is chronic,
becoming a stiff challenge
despite best efforts.

A Special Role?

We MS bloggers
though quite vocal comprise a
small minority.

If ten thousand blog,
we're only .4%
of world MSers.

In our special role,
should we be spokespersons for
the ones with no voice?

What I Really Feel

All over the place,
how I feel about MS,
getting it, that is.

Some days I manage
to come to terms with this change.
I never love it.

Let me be honest.
I still prefer to walk well
without any aides.

When the Brain Shuts Down

When the brain shuts down,
which happens more than I like,
I cannot do much.

I can’t think things through.
Words get muddled or vanish.
My IQ plummets.

In a waiting game
for clarity to return,
I somehow pull through.

A Great Reward

What I did last week:
read a Grace Paley story
and admired her skill.

Writing well creates
an author’s own reward but
the reader still reigns.

My poems lift me
but their greatest return is
what others receive.