Peace Be With You: When It Happens to Someone You Love

About Me and My Poems

Hi, I’m Judy. Welcome to my blog where I present haiku poems in triptych, which allow me to distill my thoughts into very few words. My poems acknowledge life challenges with honesty while also embracing hope and joy. MS is one such challenge, and I find lessons on that journey to be gifts of wisdom about life in general. While these often nontraditional haikus have journal-like qualities, they are not my journal. They merely represent what I or someone I know will have experienced on life’s journey.

My poems will span
the emotional spectrum.
That is what I live.

A smile may lift me
past my daily challenges.
I share that with you.

Sometimes sadness trumps
easy laughter and resolve.
I will write then too.

Friday, August 3, 2012

When It Happens to Someone You Love

Hard to imagine
watching when MS happens
to a beloved.

Daughter and husband
wife, partner, and others, too,
all stand by with love.

Utter frustration
the magnified impotence
of knowing limits.

11 comments:

Muffie said...: Whenever we're with other people, I always praise my husband for all he does for me. Unfortunately, in private, I sometimes forget, and I lash out in frustration. So far, he hasn't killed me for it!
Peace,
Muff; August 3, 2012 at 11:35 AM
Patrick said...: Judy, I'm honored, Thank you.

Frustratingly as MS progresses impacting cognition and communication we have no choice but to imagine.

Caregivingly Yours, Patrick; August 3, 2012 at 1:14 PM
Karen said...: Hubber's greatest frustration is the sense of powerlessness he has as he watches me struggle with MS.; August 3, 2012 at 8:53 PM
Diane J Standiford said...: I watched a woman in her early 30s at my new neuro's office this week, so happy, so full of knowinh she would NEVER end up like me, in a wheelchair, so sure that her drug of choice , diet, and exercise would keep her always at the door just looking in on MS...my heart broke a little. I was once her.; August 3, 2012 at 11:08 PM
Judy at Peace Be With You said...: Muff, I am, because of my husband's age and ill health, reminded of how precious his time with me is so I try to be grateful as much as I can for his caregiving. In a relationship such as marriage, though, where one of the benefits is having some assurance one's spouse actually wants to be there for the duration, it is sometimes easy to become comfortable and forget to actively engage in gratitude. So I forgive myself when I do and strive to do better the next time.

Patrick, I am in awe of what you do, which is love personified.

Karen, my husband is the same way.

Diane, if only that young person were right! I was her once too, and I'm actually glad I was allowed to embrace denial for as long as I did. It kept MS from consuming my life before its time.; August 4, 2012 at 7:02 AM
Cranky said...: Judy - thanks for your "shout out!"; August 4, 2012 at 7:12 AM
Judy at Peace Be With You said...: You're welcome, Cranky; August 4, 2012 at 10:02 PM
Donna Steigleder said...: Thank you so much for including me in your post. I appreciate so much your thoughtfulness. What a nice jesture. Donna; August 5, 2012 at 1:55 AM
Judy at Peace Be With You said...: You're welcome, Donna.; August 5, 2012 at 7:12 AM
MS Recess said...: Thank you Judy. This means so much. Your poem really makes you stop and think about how much MS impacts so many different members of everyone's families. Thank you for linking my blog here and for your continued support.; August 6, 2012 at 4:13 PM
Judy at Peace Be With You said...: MSRecess, it's a family disease, just in different form for the MSer and for those who surround him/her. I wish you all the best in this new journey you and your family are undertaking.; August 6, 2012 at 4:41 PM

Thank You to My Readers

Many of you check in frequently. Some have called my poems inspiring, which has taught me a new meaning for the word. I had always thought being inspiring meant making someone feel enthusiastic and confident. Instead, in referring to my poems, you cite my honesty and feel inspired by it. I seem to express truths you welcome hearing and which help you. I am simply honored that my words could do such a thing. You have transformed what originally was a self-directed activity into one which benefits others. How often does one have the opportunity to do that? Truly I am blessed by your presence in my life. This motivates me to keep writing these poems and to keep expressing with honesty my feelings and thoughts. My heartfelt thanks to you for sharing my journey.

How This Blog Got Its Peace Name

The mystery solved
I now know the reason why
this blog got its name.

My dad liked to say,
“The peace of God be with you.”
I had forgotten.

The phrase came to me.
I used it unconsciously.
Then friends let me know.

There is only so much one can say in 51 syllables so I was not able to add the following. My late father’s church did an oral history of his life. As I read the results of the interviews, I was struck by how often people remembered that his favorite expression was “The peace of God be with you.” I had forgotten that and have been wondering why on earth I named my blog as I did. I even thought of changing it more than once. Now I realize I was subsconsciously remembering my father’s expression. So the blog name remains.

How I Get Through This

There are times when I look up and say, how did this happen to me? Asking why usually doesn’t get me anywhere, except depression. My present reality really does not allow me to indulge in such questions. I have to cope instead with adjusting to my currently diminished physical capacity and to the appalling possibility, nay, probability that this can get much, much worse. How do I then maintain my spirit? Who is the Me who remains when so much of what defined me has been stripped away? Can I transmute this reality into something with meaning and value? Sometimes I find little victories that sustain me. Sometimes I find someone like Holocaust survivor Viktor Frankl to help me navigate these questions. At other times I feel that I am in a boat without a paddle in a raging sea. Mostly I am a work in progress living an unexpected life where most of the rules I thought applied don’t, and I am left to rely on whatever inner strength, character, and personal faith I can call on to get me through. But sometimes even inner strength, character, and personal faith do not seem like they are enough. This is just tough. Or theater of the absurd.

My Manifesto

The following poem generated the most comments and blog links of any of the poems I have written. My response to all the comments is provided below. I now call it My Manifesto.

Here is a pet peeve.
When people say they are glad
that they got MS.

They are pleased because
it made them better persons.
My blood just curdles.

Are you kidding me?
Was there no better method
to accomplish growth?

Judging by the number of comments, this poem obviously resonated, and I can understand why. I also want to share what triggered my writing it. I had watched a recently diagnosed person stand up in front of an audience and say, “I am glad I got MS. I am a much better person as a result.”

He is not the only MSer I have heard say that. What I have discovered is that those who say such a thing tend to fall into two camps. They are either recently diagnosed and/or they are not suffering from loss of mobility or some other dastardly manifestation of this scourge of a disease.

My position on this? As I said in one of my poems,

I can be grateful
for gifts this challenge gave me
and still hate MS.

I have no doubt that I am a more compassionate, generous, less shallow person now than I was before coming down with MS. Would I still have reached this more enlightened place as a result of normal maturation? I don’t know and can’t ever know. I only have the life I have. But I will NEVER say that I am glad I have MS. On the contrary, as I said in one of my other poems,

Full recovery.
That will be my intention
until my last breath.

Whatever accommodation I achieve with this disease will always be one in which I am, only out of necessity, cohabiting with an enemy. If calling it an enemy is too strong, then I can at least say that MS will never be my friend. I am sure psychologists would have a field day with my position. With my own therapist, we’ve declared a truce in which I say I acknowledge, instead of accept, that I have MS. I will never accept, though, that this is what my life should be like. As I said in another of my poems,

I will not allow
MS to appear normal.
Absolutely not.

And I am glad I still have some fight left in me so I can feel this way. There are enough days when I feel quite defeated by this disease. Then another day comes when a glimmer of light helps me remember the Judy I want to be and not just the MS-Judy, and I go on to fight again. That’s when I can say,

I don’t want to hear
the odds are impossible.
I aim to beat them.

And, knowing that days will come when I will again feel oppressed by the enormous challenge I face, I keep these poems on display so that I can remember who I want to be at my best.

As for finding the peace that is the title of this blog, I can only say that, variable though it might be, I find peace in knowing that I can control my attitude about my life.

Thanks for letting me share my thoughts with you. You make this journey so much easier because of it.

To read all the comments, go to: http://lapazconvos.blogspot.com/2011/01/pet-peeve.html

Peace Be With You

About Me and My Poems

Friday, August 3, 2012

When It Happens to Someone You Love

11 comments:

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