“A poem is the very image of life expressed in its eternal truth.”
Percy Bysshe Shelley

Wednesday, February 12, 2014

I Prefer Smiling but ...


the losses accumulate.
I feel overwhelmed.

Which to lament first?
My body’s steady decline?
Or my caregiver's?

The love of my life
battles old age and illness.
MS consumes mine.


Judy at Peace Be With You said...

I much prefer not to speak of the really low moments. Indeed, I often choose silence. So it is with reluctance that I publish this poem. Yet, not to do so would be denial of an important element of my daily experience as I muddle through the awareness of mine and my husband's condition. Thank you for such great companions and supporters.

Anonymous said...

Whenever I feel sad, I let myself be sad, and then I seek comfort. I don't know much about what you are going through. But I will pray for you and ask the angels to send you comfort. Lots of love to you!

Gail said...

Hi Judy - oh my, such burden, fear and surrender. Reality harsh. I am holding you and your husband in soft prayer, good thought and understanding.
Love Gail

Robert Parker said...

An old Latin saying asks, "Who watches the watchmen?" For us, it's "Who cares for the caregivers?They have as hard a life as we MSers do, or even harder. Yeah, there's stuff I have to deal with because I'm the one driving around this oddly-functioning body, and going through what I'm going through in how the MS Highway is revealing the things that I need to deal with, but my wife, my caregiver... her life is also hard. Is husband malfunctioning or just flaky? Who can tell? (Sometimes not even me.) And although I have to fight the whole "give up" thing, on my own terms, "just give up" is NOT something that comes easily, or at all, to the caregiver.

Which is good! And... difficult. Which is, very much, our lives, no? Good? And difficult?

Josè Antonio said...

I prefer smiling too but...

Muffie said...

Your words speak volumes. I'm fortunate that my husband is pretty healthy, and he NEVER complains about helping me. But I worry that if something were to happen to him, where would we be? The weather doesn't help, when I'm afraid he'll get hurt, and I can do little to help. As you said above -- silence is sometimes the better route for me to take.

xaidw B said...

Your words are truth.
Our society expects an optimistic response and a smile no matter what. That philosophy adds another burden to the ones already being carried through illness and the reality of care giving and just getting through the day.
Speak your truth and release what anguish you can. Those who understand appreciate and empathize. Those who are unconscious will NEVER understand. I am so sorry for your pain and sorrow.

Karen said...

I wish I had some great words of wisdom Judy, or at least something to say to make you feel better. All I have is, you are both in my thoughts, and prayers, and I am so sorry that you are experiencing such sorrow.

Judy at Peace Be With You said...

pathofthespirit, thank you for your prayers and love.

Gail, the burden sometimes takes my breath away, yes, but I am lifted by your prayer.

Robert, always so wise. Yes, indeed, the caregiver cannot “just give up.” The challenge is especially acute when that caregiver also needs caregiving. But, doesn’t every single being merit, if not need, caregiving?

Josè Antonio, we smile together.

Muff, you are blessed that your husband’s health is good.

Hilda, given your experience with George, your advice resonates with heightened credibility and power. I embrace your message, and it helps me enormously.

Judy at Peace Be With You said...

Karen, your presence alone helps. Thank you for your prayers.