becoming housebound
my friendship circle dwindling
social life a bust
peeing all the time
being unable to work
money running short
not knowing how much
MS can take credit for
life's seeming shortfalls
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“A poem is the very image of life expressed in its eternal truth.”
Percy Bysshe Shelley
The poems of Peace on the Journey explore the theme of renewal in the face of adversity.
The book is available at Amazon (paperback and Kindle).
There is only so much one can say in 51 syllables so I was not able to add the following. My late father’s church did an oral history of his life. As I read the results of the interviews, I was struck by how often people remembered that his favorite expression was “The peace of God be with you.” I had forgotten that and have been wondering why on earth I named my blog as I did. I even thought of changing it more than once. Now I realize I was subsconsciously remembering my father’s expression. So the blog name remains.
Dan and Jennifer Digmann, a married couple, both with MS, have written this book of essays about living with Multiple Sclerosis and overcoming its challenges. They have honored my poems by using six to reflect the theme of each chapter. A valuable contribution to MS literature, this book is above all else a love story. Click on the image for more information or to purchase.
**** On Life's Journey
Percy Bysshe Shelley
About Me
Hi, I’m Judy. Welcome to my blog where I present verses influenced by the haiku form, which permits me to distill my thoughts into very few words. These often nontraditional haikus acknowledge life challenges with honesty while also embracing hope and joy. My challenges include caregiving for a spouse and adjusting to my own MS. Sometimes, these experiences on my journey can be gifts of wisdom about life in general.
Now Available
The poems of Peace on the Journey explore the theme of renewal in the face of adversity.
The book is available at Amazon (paperback and Kindle).
Origins of My Book Peace on the Journey
My Other Blog
Followers
Thank You to My Readers
Many of you check in frequently. Some have called my poems inspiring, which has taught me a new meaning for the word. I had always thought being inspiring meant making someone feel enthusiastic and confident. Instead, in referring to my poems, you cite my honesty and feel inspired by it. I seem to express truths you welcome hearing and which help you. I am simply honored that my words could do such a thing. You have transformed what originally was a self-directed activity into one which benefits others. How often does one have the opportunity to do that? Truly I am blessed by your presence in my life. This motivates me to keep writing these poems and to keep expressing with honesty my feelings and thoughts. My heartfelt thanks to you for sharing my journey.
COPYRIGHT NOTICE
Poems, essays, and personal photos are COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL. All Rights Reserved ©Judith Mercado.
PERMISSION MUST BE GRANTED BY ME FOR THEIR USE.
PERMISSION MUST BE GRANTED BY ME FOR THEIR USE.
The header waterfall image is used with permission from
Artist: Michael Dashow
http://www.michaeldashow.com/
Artist: Michael Dashow
http://www.michaeldashow.com/
Thumbnail images are sourced from Wikimedia, Microsoft Clip Art or personal photos. Clicking on an image will bring up its attribution. Or please check the Comments following the poem.
The Haiku Form
I sometimes wonder
if calling my work haiku
offends the masters.
I never intend
to lay claim my poems are
great classical gems.
I am a poet
who uses haiku meter.
That is all it is.
if calling my work haiku
offends the masters.
I never intend
to lay claim my poems are
great classical gems.
I am a poet
who uses haiku meter.
That is all it is.
How This Blog Got Its Peace Name
The mystery solved
I now know the reason why
this blog got its name.
My dad liked to say,
“The peace of God be with you.”
I had forgotten.
The phrase came to me.
I used it unconsciously.
Then friends let me know.
I now know the reason why
this blog got its name.
My dad liked to say,
“The peace of God be with you.”
I had forgotten.
The phrase came to me.
I used it unconsciously.
Then friends let me know.
There is only so much one can say in 51 syllables so I was not able to add the following. My late father’s church did an oral history of his life. As I read the results of the interviews, I was struck by how often people remembered that his favorite expression was “The peace of God be with you.” I had forgotten that and have been wondering why on earth I named my blog as I did. I even thought of changing it more than once. Now I realize I was subsconsciously remembering my father’s expression. So the blog name remains.
How I Get Through This
There are times when I look up and say, how did this happen to me? Asking why usually doesn’t get me anywhere, except depression. My present reality really does not allow me to indulge in such questions. I have to cope instead with adjusting to my currently diminished physical capacity and to the appalling possibility, nay, probability that this can get much, much worse. How do I then maintain my spirit? Who is the Me who remains when so much of what defined me has been stripped away? Can I transmute this reality into something with meaning and value? Sometimes I find little victories that sustain me. Sometimes I find someone like Holocaust survivor Viktor Frankl to help me navigate these questions. At other times I feel that I am in a boat without a paddle in a raging sea. Mostly I am a work in progress living an unexpected life where most of the rules I thought applied don’t, and I am left to rely on whatever inner strength, character, and personal faith I can call on to get me through. But sometimes even inner strength, character, and personal faith do not seem like they are enough. This is just tough. Or theater of the absurd.
The Role of Hope
Research shows that, “in all cultures, the conviction that one’s predicament is hopeless may cause or hasten disintegration and death.” [Jerome and Julia Frank, Persuasion and Healing] The tools available to me to fight this disease are limited. Could it be that keeping hope alive is the strongest weapon in my arsenal?
Success Redefined
I have had to adjust my model for defining success, and it often now includes those tiny steps forward that occur after giant leaps backward. It even includes accepting that no steps forward, tiny or otherwise, may occur. The rules of the game got tossed, and I have had to find a path to serenity and integration which could even include that I might never reach such a goal.
May You ...
Have light shine away
the darkness of your valley
so you can reach home.
Meet along the way
strangers who treat you kindly
and with a full smile.
Feel deep in your heart
the warmth of those beside you
who also love you.
the darkness of your valley
so you can reach home.
Meet along the way
strangers who treat you kindly
and with a full smile.
Feel deep in your heart
the warmth of those beside you
who also love you.
Nelson Mandela's Words
“… during all my years in prison hope never left me … I did not doubt that I would someday be a free man.”
“The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers fear.”
“The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers fear.”
From Marc at Wheelchair Kamikaze
From Nicole at My New Normals
My Manifesto
The following poem generated the most comments and blog links of any of the poems I have written. My response to all the comments is provided below. I now call it My Manifesto.
Judging by the number of comments, this poem obviously resonated, and I can understand why. I also want to share what triggered my writing it. I had watched a recently diagnosed person stand up in front of an audience and say, “I am glad I got MS. I am a much better person as a result.”
He is not the only MSer I have heard say that. What I have discovered is that those who say such a thing tend to fall into two camps. They are either recently diagnosed and/or they are not suffering from loss of mobility or some other dastardly manifestation of this scourge of a disease.
My position on this? As I said in one of my poems,
I have no doubt that I am a more compassionate, generous, less shallow person now than I was before coming down with MS. Would I still have reached this more enlightened place as a result of normal maturation? I don’t know and can’t ever know. I only have the life I have. But I will NEVER say that I am glad I have MS. On the contrary, as I said in one of my other poems,
Whatever accommodation I achieve with this disease will always be one in which I am, only out of necessity, cohabiting with an enemy. If calling it an enemy is too strong, then I can at least say that MS will never be my friend. I am sure psychologists would have a field day with my position. With my own therapist, we’ve declared a truce in which I say I acknowledge, instead of accept, that I have MS. I will never accept, though, that this is what my life should be like. As I said in another of my poems,
And I am glad I still have some fight left in me so I can feel this way. There are enough days when I feel quite defeated by this disease. Then another day comes when a glimmer of light helps me remember the Judy I want to be and not just the MS-Judy, and I go on to fight again. That’s when I can say,
And, knowing that days will come when I will again feel oppressed by the enormous challenge I face, I keep these poems on display so that I can remember who I want to be at my best.
As for finding the peace that is the title of this blog, I can only say that, variable though it might be, I find peace in knowing that I can control my attitude about my life.
Thanks for letting me share my thoughts with you. You make this journey so much easier because of it.
To read all the comments, go to: http://lapazconvos.blogspot.com/2011/01/pet-peeve.html
Here is a pet peeve.
When people say they are glad
that they got MS.
They are pleased because
it made them better persons.
My blood just curdles.
Are you kidding me?
Was there no better method
to accomplish growth?
When people say they are glad
that they got MS.
They are pleased because
it made them better persons.
My blood just curdles.
Are you kidding me?
Was there no better method
to accomplish growth?
Judging by the number of comments, this poem obviously resonated, and I can understand why. I also want to share what triggered my writing it. I had watched a recently diagnosed person stand up in front of an audience and say, “I am glad I got MS. I am a much better person as a result.”
He is not the only MSer I have heard say that. What I have discovered is that those who say such a thing tend to fall into two camps. They are either recently diagnosed and/or they are not suffering from loss of mobility or some other dastardly manifestation of this scourge of a disease.
My position on this? As I said in one of my poems,
I can be grateful
for gifts this challenge gave me
and still hate MS.
for gifts this challenge gave me
and still hate MS.
I have no doubt that I am a more compassionate, generous, less shallow person now than I was before coming down with MS. Would I still have reached this more enlightened place as a result of normal maturation? I don’t know and can’t ever know. I only have the life I have. But I will NEVER say that I am glad I have MS. On the contrary, as I said in one of my other poems,
Full recovery.
That will be my intention
until my last breath.
That will be my intention
until my last breath.
Whatever accommodation I achieve with this disease will always be one in which I am, only out of necessity, cohabiting with an enemy. If calling it an enemy is too strong, then I can at least say that MS will never be my friend. I am sure psychologists would have a field day with my position. With my own therapist, we’ve declared a truce in which I say I acknowledge, instead of accept, that I have MS. I will never accept, though, that this is what my life should be like. As I said in another of my poems,
I will not allow
MS to appear normal.
Absolutely not.
MS to appear normal.
Absolutely not.
And I am glad I still have some fight left in me so I can feel this way. There are enough days when I feel quite defeated by this disease. Then another day comes when a glimmer of light helps me remember the Judy I want to be and not just the MS-Judy, and I go on to fight again. That’s when I can say,
I don’t want to hear
the odds are impossible.
I aim to beat them.
the odds are impossible.
I aim to beat them.
And, knowing that days will come when I will again feel oppressed by the enormous challenge I face, I keep these poems on display so that I can remember who I want to be at my best.
As for finding the peace that is the title of this blog, I can only say that, variable though it might be, I find peace in knowing that I can control my attitude about my life.
Thanks for letting me share my thoughts with you. You make this journey so much easier because of it.
To read all the comments, go to: http://lapazconvos.blogspot.com/2011/01/pet-peeve.html
My Blog List
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I Miss My Little Guy1 year ago
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New Year’s Eve Through MS Eyes5 years ago
-
A Few Good Men6 years ago
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Finally, a post!7 years ago
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A mil mundos del mundo.7 years ago
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Buying a Home While Hiding Your MS8 years ago
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Best MS Blogs8 years ago
-
Sad News8 years ago
-
Who'd a Thunk?8 years ago
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Update about updates11 years ago
COPYRIGHT NOTICE
Poems, essays, and personal photos are Copyrighted Material. All Rights Reserved ©Judith Mercado
Poem Archive
Most of the 2009-2012 poems have been taken down. If you
would like to contact me about those poems, you may email me HERE.
would like to contact me about those poems, you may email me HERE.
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Search This Blog
Dan and Jennifer Digmann, a married couple, both with MS, have written this book of essays about living with Multiple Sclerosis and overcoming its challenges. They have honored my poems by using six to reflect the theme of each chapter. A valuable contribution to MS literature, this book is above all else a love story. Click on the image for more information or to purchase.
I look for the glimmer I can catch in the instant of its existence.
8 comments:
Sounds pretty much like my daily mantra, anymore. I blatantly blame it on MS, even if it's something entirely different. MS did this to me, so it now becomes my scapegoat for everything!
You said it perfectly Judy. That's my life too.
Well, except that MS doesn't exit as a "blamable" entity, that'd be where I would be going too.
Ah, peeing all the time. I'm coming to a place Ram Dass calls "There I go again," but I don't think overenthusastic bladders are what he's talking about.
Although it does provide one with regular practice of "acceptance." And comparison shopping for good diapers, which when discovered do indeed make things better.
HI JUDY - yes, MS changes our lives, sure has changed mine as it has yours and so many others. I preserve what I can, hold to what and whom is precious and is willing to hang in with me - only a few. I make it be enough - what other choice do I have?
Love Gail
peace.....
Yes, MS is the thief, the devil that controls and isolates. Our society, as well, does not support those who are disabled, mentally or physically. A visit, a call, a nice pie...if only we lived near, these I would offer to you.
Hilda
Muff, MS becomes so all-consuming that it is hard to imagine how it is not responsible for everything, because it can affect everything.
Karen, I'm sorry I had to be "perfect" about something so imperfect.
Robert, you always have such a nuanced read of my poems. I always come away with an enhanced understanding of my own words.
Gail, I too "preserve what I can, hold to what and whom is precious and is willing to hang in with me," seeking to find the gold hidden in the rubble of sand.
Hilda, we do not need to live near for me to know you are a loyal friend, something I treasure enormously.
Judy, perfect description of my current status. You have a way😎
Mary, I'm sorry you have to share such circumstances. I'm sorry for us all.
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