She Asks for Help

Voracious MS
devastates a family
with hospital bills.

Natalie Aliff
a spirited young woman
keeps battling the odds.

Her motto remains
sunny with a chance of clouds.
Here is her story.

Brain Therapy

An empty classroom
calmly awaits in silence
for me to arrive.

Soon I will enter,
disturbing the placid calm,
awaking the mind.

My brain neurons fired,
I postpone further decline
or find renewal.

The Lesson May Be

Outside my window,
periwinkles thrive beyond
the reach of my hand.

From behind my pane,
I watch over the blossoms
growing wild and free.

The lesson may be
independence can blossom
despite hostile odds.

Despite It All Sometimes …

Hope rises again.
A smile lightens my spirits.
My heart sings with joy

My burdens lifted,
oppressive despair vanquished,
I can lift my head.

Joy is possible.
Becoming healthy probable?
I am me again.

My Public-Private Face

See my public face
the one donned minutes ago
to confront the world.

Though an honest face,
mine glides over precious truths
hidden underneath.

I may hide from fear
the worst scenario kind
to protect myself.

Do I Have To, Mommy?

I note with dismay
spinal taps are still performed
for diagnosis.

Spinal fluid test
identifies two markers
common in MS.

However useful,
the test can trigger headaches.
Mine were horrific.

A Different Plan

For some but not me
life winds down expected paths
untouched by MS.

The generations
in time-honored progression
birth, thrive, and depart.

MS throws a wrench
into one’s expectations,
setting plans aside.

Healing Laughter

Joy is my mantra.
Sometimes I need reminders
to keep me on track.

I was reminded
laughter can promote healing
thanks to Nicole’s blog.

Watch the TV clip.
It will make you feel better,
maybe even laugh.

If Only I Could

The MS burden
may turn out to be too much,
making others flee.

I too want escape.
The MS which hobbles me
is no friend of mine.

If only I could
simply run away from this,
let waves blur my steps.

Tropical Rain

grey early morning
rain in torrential downpour
the dog must be walked

palm fronds weighted down
fallen sea grape leaves scurry
slick slippery grass

a blanket of clouds
umbrella-hidden faces
errands to be run

I Still Want to Shine - Encore

I remind myself
that apart from my MS
I am still intact.

I still want to shine
with kindness, mercy, and love
to light up the world.

Bruised but not beaten,
I embrace my good person
who now needs a hug.

Are You Feeling Better? - Encore

At a loss for words
when someone asks how I am
When? At one? At six?

They don’t realize
MS, a quick-change artist,
loves fresh, new costumes.

So I nod and smile
grateful they care to ask me
if I feel better.

Finding My Legs - Encore

“Wait, just a minute,
I am gathering my legs,”
I say as I rise.

Friends know what I mean,
that it takes a while for me
to steady my legs.

I could also say,
“I am trying to find them.
They seem to leave me.”

My High Heels - Encore

High heels in closet,
they have been there for ten years,
waiting to be used.

That might be silly.
I should face reality
and give them away.

Still, they are pretty.
I see them and reminisce
or hope for new feet.

Awaited Elixir - Encore

dash of bravado
with a chaser of sadness
a poignant cocktail

fateful drink of choice
for chronic sufferers of
disabling illness

preferred elixir
a glass of miracle cure
when will it arrive

Finding Balance - Encore

So many brave ones
face crazy uncertainty
and never complain.

Many admit fear,
acknowledge they are so scared.
Are they better off?

Fear paralyzes.
Denial can do the same.
Somewhere balance lies.

The Natural Way - Encore

tree fronds sway gently
outside my open window
a natural dance

lifted by the breeze
gracefully animated
perfect harmony

would that my limbs might
ease into effortlessness
the natural way

Standing Apart

Step out of the box
of normal expectations
and risk loneliness.

Heed your own drummer.
Your step falls away from those
in a lock-step march.

It takes a brave soul
to stand apart from others
and try fearlessness.

When It Comes to MS and Hope …

I count on few things.
Brain plasticity is one
ray of hope for me.

I am practical.
First I focus on today,
on staying healthy.

I bank on promise,
confirmed by current research,
that brains can improve.

Watch Me Now

Some might think me well.
I compose poems and more.
Am I then healthy?

Though I seem just great,
watch me weave, stumble or fall.
You might change your mind.

Achievements gained by
my stout, determined spirit
fall well short of health.

A Birthday Remembrance

of this your birthday
a lot could be said today
you've accomplished much

you know who you are
what seas and hazards you braved
what lives you transformed

now beached you may miss
the spray of an arching wave
your heart still feels it

Trying to Make Sense

Trying to make sense,
Dabble and the Mad Sow writes
about MS truths.

An irreverent
MSer and former nurse,
she slays the nonsense.

The facts are laid out.
They make her coggy brain ache.
Ach, the hell with it.

Valentine's Day Wishes

This Valentine’s day,
may your dreams keep you aloft
may love root deeply.

With someone or not,
whatever your circumstance,
may kindness prevail.

On this day of hearts,
may yours be cherished and loved
to its full measure.

Seen Upon Awaking

white egret revealed
slow stepping through tall rushes
heading to water

gentle waves ripple
rain brushes the lake surface
in misty caress

opaque lighting hides
an impenetrable world
sighs of nature hushed

To My Fellow MS Bloggers

I read all your blogs.
Whether angry or happy,
your words still matter.

The befuddled ones
may help me think and reflect,
even change my mind.

Those who make me laugh
join the ones who bring on tears.
All make me better.

We All Seek This

quiet comforts sought
to quell the sorrows and fears
adversity brings

a soft landing prized
with smiles won after the sighs
restoring sweet calm

havens will exist
likely different for each
where do I find mine

Joy Within Reach

I surprised myself.
For no apparent reason,
I was just laughing.

It felt like a drug,
a good one that cost nothing,
had spiked my water.

Such a blessed gift,
my capacity for joy
lies within my reach.

Test of Character

Fundamental change
wrought by life changes and stress
will challenge old truths.

The focus may shift
to finding one’s new meaning
in a transformed life.

Adjust, sink or thrive?
The altered reality
tests one’s character.

If Only I Felt Like This Always

I amaze myself,
at how much I do achieve
gimpy gait and all.

The slog of fatigue
could have slain my willpower
but I compensate.

Don’t count this girl out.
I will fight while still alive,
high standards intact.

Ever Wonder Why?

Did I do something?
Is it my fault this happened?
Why did this occur?

Of course no one knows.
Frankly that is the problem.
There are no answers.

Better than the whys,
I hunger for solutions
that restore my health.

A Storm Brews

dark afternoon sky
leaves rustle in the stiff wind
a storm brews offshore

battening up now
preparing for lashing rain
shelter is secured

waiting, expecting
nature’s will unbridled soon
who will prevail then

The Best Laid Plans …

Forced on a furlough
not because I wanted it
bested by fatigue.

Things I meant to do
whether they were work or play
got postponed for now.

My wishes ignored,
I spent the day on my back,
never finding rest.

Altered Expectations?

We won’t all end up
in the much-dreaded wheelchair.
Some walk til the end.

The classic bell curve
incorporates outliers
not just the middle.

With treatment options,
is there a new paradigm
in the MS world?

Taking Stock

Funny what I miss,
funnier still what I don’t,
a lot more in fact.

Striving to climb up
the golden career ladder
I do not miss much.

My generous pay,
energy and walking well,
those I miss a lot.

All Good

I honor those who
determined to see the good
speak only of that.

I also honor
those who like me will admit
some days are a blur.

Whatever coping
mechanism is useful,
I respect that choice.

Not a Social Butterfly

“Have you seen the new
movie … concert … play … art show?”
“Um, sorry, haven’t.”

Stunned to realize
how little I’ve done of late,
I ask myself why.

Is it my weak legs?
Do I blame money or mood?
All of the above?

Life Goes On

Here is the dang truth.
Other life stressors do not
go on vacation.

So what if I’m sick?
Relationships demand work.
Bills still must be paid.

I do muddle through,
though sometimes it seems barely,
and life carries on.

Light's Play

leaves shimmer as air
currents change sunlight’s angle
of intersection

delicate movements
cast shadows hiding light’s play
for fleeting instants

a quiet moment
reflection comes easily
without any prompts

We All Do This

MS seems to raise
the odds of making mistakes
and I sure make them.

Here is the truth though.
In my former life I made
plenty of mistakes.

Typos and errors
of the really stupid kind
can be made by all.

The Elephant in the Room

I spin dreams and plans.
The elephant in the room
makes its presence known.

Can and can’t do,
this refrain peals as I dodge
the hulking creature.

There is not much space
open for me to escape
but I keep trying.

A Mentor

I learned from one who
through gentleness of spirit
embodied power.

With a quiet smile
he calmed the roiling waters
bringing clarity.

Trials never crushed
his gift of humanity
then bestowed on us.

Jacqueline Du Pré 1945-1987

early genius
her cello’s plaintive chords stirred
a soul’s deep longing

she might have graced us
with a lifetime’s offering
of beauty and skill

in her apogee
MS cut short her promise
in startling free-fall

Or Do I Have It All Wrong?

Does shocked disbelief
stun us into a blind hope
that ways out exist?

Does tenacity
play a cruel joke on those
hope has abandoned?

Abject surrender,
is that my wiser choice?
I resist that thought.

Self Definition

Self definition
statute of limitations
it does not exist.

A reappraisal
who I am or want to be
may still be open.

MS cannot rob
all options available,
though it may well try.

Surprise Outcome

I wish I could write
only about upbeat themes.
It would not be real.

This personal blog
was meant for self expression;
inspiring, a plus.

I am quite surprised
when I do inspire others,
which is a good thing.

Change My Blog's Look?

I keep meaning to
make changes to my blog’s look.
Then I do nothing.

Maybe I lack time.
More likely I am afraid
to mess with Blogger.

It’s a lot of work.
Ideas too are lacking.
So I just hold off.

My Daily Guide

Joy, praise, gratitude,
my day starts with this mantra
I intend to keep.

The game-changer words
help me pivot just in time
from stepping on @#!*@.

Sometimes I get caught
unawares and I stumble.
Then I start again.

And Then We Know Them

We see the results
assume those who venture forth
were brave to start with.

I am good enough.
No I am not good enough.
All that was there first.

At risk of censure,
fearful brave souls will proceed
and then we know them.

Reality Check

Don’t try telling me
MS is not scary stuff.
I won’t believe you.

That is not to say
things will get bad and ugly
only that they can.

Even if you aim
to beat the odds as I do,
they’re hard to ignore.

I've Changed My Mind About This Saying

“But you look so good.”
Thank goodness for that at least.
My looks can still lie.

Okay, so I know.
Inside I feel maimed and worn,
hardly spry and fit.

That I look so good
from now on will be worn as
a badge of honor.

Shadowboxing with Treatment Options

feint left take no meds
MS destruction unchecked
possible doomsday

feint right and find out
no one knows what MS is
or how to fix it

remain still and chance
the silent, relentless scourge
which may knock you out

Single-Mindedness

Some have a stake in
an indefatigably
optimistic view.

I may be all wrong
for insisting on nuance,
if self-defeating.

In seeking a goal,
blinders might be useful gear
for accomplishment.