How we and other couples balance love, care & MS
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“A poem is the very image of life expressed in its eternal truth.”
Percy Bysshe Shelley
The poems of Peace on the Journey explore the theme of renewal in the face of adversity.
The book is available at Amazon (paperback and Kindle).
There is only so much one can say in 51 syllables so I was not able to add the following. My late father’s church did an oral history of his life. As I read the results of the interviews, I was struck by how often people remembered that his favorite expression was “The peace of God be with you.” I had forgotten that and have been wondering why on earth I named my blog as I did. I even thought of changing it more than once. Now I realize I was subsconsciously remembering my father’s expression. So the blog name remains.
Dan and Jennifer Digmann, a married couple, both with MS, have written this book of essays about living with Multiple Sclerosis and overcoming its challenges. They have honored my poems by using six to reflect the theme of each chapter. A valuable contribution to MS literature, this book is above all else a love story. Click on the image for more information or to purchase.
**** On Life's Journey
Percy Bysshe Shelley
About Me
Hi, I’m Judy. Welcome to my blog where I present verses influenced by the haiku form, which permits me to distill my thoughts into very few words. These often nontraditional haikus acknowledge life challenges with honesty while also embracing hope and joy. My challenges include caregiving for a spouse and adjusting to my own MS. Sometimes, these experiences on my journey can be gifts of wisdom about life in general.
Now Available
The poems of Peace on the Journey explore the theme of renewal in the face of adversity.
The book is available at Amazon (paperback and Kindle).
Origins of My Book Peace on the Journey
My Other Blog
Followers
Thank You to My Readers
Many of you check in frequently. Some have called my poems inspiring, which has taught me a new meaning for the word. I had always thought being inspiring meant making someone feel enthusiastic and confident. Instead, in referring to my poems, you cite my honesty and feel inspired by it. I seem to express truths you welcome hearing and which help you. I am simply honored that my words could do such a thing. You have transformed what originally was a self-directed activity into one which benefits others. How often does one have the opportunity to do that? Truly I am blessed by your presence in my life. This motivates me to keep writing these poems and to keep expressing with honesty my feelings and thoughts. My heartfelt thanks to you for sharing my journey.
COPYRIGHT NOTICE
Poems, essays, and personal photos are COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL. All Rights Reserved ©Judith Mercado.
PERMISSION MUST BE GRANTED BY ME FOR THEIR USE.
PERMISSION MUST BE GRANTED BY ME FOR THEIR USE.
The header waterfall image is used with permission from
Artist: Michael Dashow
http://www.michaeldashow.com/
Artist: Michael Dashow
http://www.michaeldashow.com/
Thumbnail images are sourced from Wikimedia, Microsoft Clip Art or personal photos. Clicking on an image will bring up its attribution. Or please check the Comments following the poem.
The Haiku Form
I sometimes wonder
if calling my work haiku
offends the masters.
I never intend
to lay claim my poems are
great classical gems.
I am a poet
who uses haiku meter.
That is all it is.
if calling my work haiku
offends the masters.
I never intend
to lay claim my poems are
great classical gems.
I am a poet
who uses haiku meter.
That is all it is.
How This Blog Got Its Peace Name
The mystery solved
I now know the reason why
this blog got its name.
My dad liked to say,
“The peace of God be with you.”
I had forgotten.
The phrase came to me.
I used it unconsciously.
Then friends let me know.
I now know the reason why
this blog got its name.
My dad liked to say,
“The peace of God be with you.”
I had forgotten.
The phrase came to me.
I used it unconsciously.
Then friends let me know.
There is only so much one can say in 51 syllables so I was not able to add the following. My late father’s church did an oral history of his life. As I read the results of the interviews, I was struck by how often people remembered that his favorite expression was “The peace of God be with you.” I had forgotten that and have been wondering why on earth I named my blog as I did. I even thought of changing it more than once. Now I realize I was subsconsciously remembering my father’s expression. So the blog name remains.
How I Get Through This
There are times when I look up and say, how did this happen to me? Asking why usually doesn’t get me anywhere, except depression. My present reality really does not allow me to indulge in such questions. I have to cope instead with adjusting to my currently diminished physical capacity and to the appalling possibility, nay, probability that this can get much, much worse. How do I then maintain my spirit? Who is the Me who remains when so much of what defined me has been stripped away? Can I transmute this reality into something with meaning and value? Sometimes I find little victories that sustain me. Sometimes I find someone like Holocaust survivor Viktor Frankl to help me navigate these questions. At other times I feel that I am in a boat without a paddle in a raging sea. Mostly I am a work in progress living an unexpected life where most of the rules I thought applied don’t, and I am left to rely on whatever inner strength, character, and personal faith I can call on to get me through. But sometimes even inner strength, character, and personal faith do not seem like they are enough. This is just tough. Or theater of the absurd.
The Role of Hope
Research shows that, “in all cultures, the conviction that one’s predicament is hopeless may cause or hasten disintegration and death.” [Jerome and Julia Frank, Persuasion and Healing] The tools available to me to fight this disease are limited. Could it be that keeping hope alive is the strongest weapon in my arsenal?
Success Redefined
I have had to adjust my model for defining success, and it often now includes those tiny steps forward that occur after giant leaps backward. It even includes accepting that no steps forward, tiny or otherwise, may occur. The rules of the game got tossed, and I have had to find a path to serenity and integration which could even include that I might never reach such a goal.
May You ...
Have light shine away
the darkness of your valley
so you can reach home.
Meet along the way
strangers who treat you kindly
and with a full smile.
Feel deep in your heart
the warmth of those beside you
who also love you.
the darkness of your valley
so you can reach home.
Meet along the way
strangers who treat you kindly
and with a full smile.
Feel deep in your heart
the warmth of those beside you
who also love you.
Nelson Mandela's Words
“… during all my years in prison hope never left me … I did not doubt that I would someday be a free man.”
“The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers fear.”
“The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers fear.”
From Marc at Wheelchair Kamikaze
From Nicole at My New Normals
My Manifesto
The following poem generated the most comments and blog links of any of the poems I have written. My response to all the comments is provided below. I now call it My Manifesto.
Judging by the number of comments, this poem obviously resonated, and I can understand why. I also want to share what triggered my writing it. I had watched a recently diagnosed person stand up in front of an audience and say, “I am glad I got MS. I am a much better person as a result.”
He is not the only MSer I have heard say that. What I have discovered is that those who say such a thing tend to fall into two camps. They are either recently diagnosed and/or they are not suffering from loss of mobility or some other dastardly manifestation of this scourge of a disease.
My position on this? As I said in one of my poems,
I have no doubt that I am a more compassionate, generous, less shallow person now than I was before coming down with MS. Would I still have reached this more enlightened place as a result of normal maturation? I don’t know and can’t ever know. I only have the life I have. But I will NEVER say that I am glad I have MS. On the contrary, as I said in one of my other poems,
Whatever accommodation I achieve with this disease will always be one in which I am, only out of necessity, cohabiting with an enemy. If calling it an enemy is too strong, then I can at least say that MS will never be my friend. I am sure psychologists would have a field day with my position. With my own therapist, we’ve declared a truce in which I say I acknowledge, instead of accept, that I have MS. I will never accept, though, that this is what my life should be like. As I said in another of my poems,
And I am glad I still have some fight left in me so I can feel this way. There are enough days when I feel quite defeated by this disease. Then another day comes when a glimmer of light helps me remember the Judy I want to be and not just the MS-Judy, and I go on to fight again. That’s when I can say,
And, knowing that days will come when I will again feel oppressed by the enormous challenge I face, I keep these poems on display so that I can remember who I want to be at my best.
As for finding the peace that is the title of this blog, I can only say that, variable though it might be, I find peace in knowing that I can control my attitude about my life.
Thanks for letting me share my thoughts with you. You make this journey so much easier because of it.
To read all the comments, go to: http://lapazconvos.blogspot.com/2011/01/pet-peeve.html
Here is a pet peeve.
When people say they are glad
that they got MS.
They are pleased because
it made them better persons.
My blood just curdles.
Are you kidding me?
Was there no better method
to accomplish growth?
When people say they are glad
that they got MS.
They are pleased because
it made them better persons.
My blood just curdles.
Are you kidding me?
Was there no better method
to accomplish growth?
Judging by the number of comments, this poem obviously resonated, and I can understand why. I also want to share what triggered my writing it. I had watched a recently diagnosed person stand up in front of an audience and say, “I am glad I got MS. I am a much better person as a result.”
He is not the only MSer I have heard say that. What I have discovered is that those who say such a thing tend to fall into two camps. They are either recently diagnosed and/or they are not suffering from loss of mobility or some other dastardly manifestation of this scourge of a disease.
My position on this? As I said in one of my poems,
I can be grateful
for gifts this challenge gave me
and still hate MS.
for gifts this challenge gave me
and still hate MS.
I have no doubt that I am a more compassionate, generous, less shallow person now than I was before coming down with MS. Would I still have reached this more enlightened place as a result of normal maturation? I don’t know and can’t ever know. I only have the life I have. But I will NEVER say that I am glad I have MS. On the contrary, as I said in one of my other poems,
Full recovery.
That will be my intention
until my last breath.
That will be my intention
until my last breath.
Whatever accommodation I achieve with this disease will always be one in which I am, only out of necessity, cohabiting with an enemy. If calling it an enemy is too strong, then I can at least say that MS will never be my friend. I am sure psychologists would have a field day with my position. With my own therapist, we’ve declared a truce in which I say I acknowledge, instead of accept, that I have MS. I will never accept, though, that this is what my life should be like. As I said in another of my poems,
I will not allow
MS to appear normal.
Absolutely not.
MS to appear normal.
Absolutely not.
And I am glad I still have some fight left in me so I can feel this way. There are enough days when I feel quite defeated by this disease. Then another day comes when a glimmer of light helps me remember the Judy I want to be and not just the MS-Judy, and I go on to fight again. That’s when I can say,
I don’t want to hear
the odds are impossible.
I aim to beat them.
the odds are impossible.
I aim to beat them.
And, knowing that days will come when I will again feel oppressed by the enormous challenge I face, I keep these poems on display so that I can remember who I want to be at my best.
As for finding the peace that is the title of this blog, I can only say that, variable though it might be, I find peace in knowing that I can control my attitude about my life.
Thanks for letting me share my thoughts with you. You make this journey so much easier because of it.
To read all the comments, go to: http://lapazconvos.blogspot.com/2011/01/pet-peeve.html
My Blog List
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I Miss My Little Guy1 year ago
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Enough Already!6 years ago
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A Few Good Men6 years ago
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Until then7 years ago
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Si te dicen que cai.7 years ago
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Buying a Home While Hiding Your MS8 years ago
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Sad News8 years ago
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Who'd a Thunk?8 years ago
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Carnival of MS Bloggers #16310 years ago
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Update about updates11 years ago
COPYRIGHT NOTICE
Poems, essays, and personal photos are Copyrighted Material. All Rights Reserved ©Judith Mercado
Poem Archive
Most of the 2009-2012 poems have been taken down. If you
would like to contact me about those poems, you may email me HERE.
would like to contact me about those poems, you may email me HERE.
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Search This Blog
Dan and Jennifer Digmann, a married couple, both with MS, have written this book of essays about living with Multiple Sclerosis and overcoming its challenges. They have honored my poems by using six to reflect the theme of each chapter. A valuable contribution to MS literature, this book is above all else a love story. Click on the image for more information or to purchase.
I look for the glimmer I can catch in the instant of its existence.
17 comments:
Oh Judy, I am always so sad to hear of someone's passing. Even more so when that passing has been a result of, or complications from MS. I did not know "Greek", but I know the pain. Whan my (MS) blogger friend, Michael passed away I was devasted. I am not a religious person, yet I hope that this corageous person has been welcomed, and will find peace in the "other world", wherever that may be. I'm sorry for your loss.
A lovely tribute to my good friend George, The Greek From Detroit. I will miss him always.
HI JUDY - Oh I am truly sorry - such loss, an untimely death - MS at the root - tragic. I will pray for George and his family and you, his friend.
Love and hope for us all
Gail
peace.....
Never died, always in our hearts.
Such sadness. Thank you, Judy, for the beautiful poetic homage.
Peace,
Muff
So sorry for your loss. He sounds like quite a guy. Thinking of you and all who loved him, mary
Wow! So sad. Thanks for introducing me to him.
judy, this is georgies sister. thank you on behalf of my family for your tribute to him. so beautiful and so comforting. God Bless you.
Andrea
In his eulogy to George on his Wheelchair Kamikaze blog, Marc writes, “The burdens and constraints imposed by the miserable beast called multiple sclerosis simply became too much for George to bear, and he exited this life on his own terms. The farewell note he left on his blog, though quite forthcoming, only hints at the anguish he suffered. The disease and its wicked gravity robbed him of all he held dear, leaving him bereft of joy, a man whose sense of self was too enmeshed with his physicality to submit to an existence spent bedridden. The ravages of multiple sclerosis broke his tremendous heart and shattered his beneficent spirit. His decline was precipitous, a cruel freefall that proved impossible to break.”
I don’t know which is the greater horror, that George had to live through five unspeakable years of relentlessly cruel deterioration or that, already in a weakened state, he had to confront the MonSter which had overtaken his life. Then, there is the third horror, that someone so good should have to suffer through something so undeserved. Yes, we are not the first to ask why terrible things happen to good people. Job and Ecclesiastes were asking precisely that in the Bible. And I think of the blog entry George himself wrote on August 19, 2012:
“Why was I so tried? … I struggled with my faith. … I am in complete and utter belief that there is a larger picture, but all the suffering that people experience. Is it really necessary? Really? Do many of us need to have the living shit kicked out of us, literally, in order to become better people and get closer to our maker? Again I struggle. … Again I struggle ... But I feel essential that I believe … Nor can I afford not to … .”
George was asking in essence, what is the meaning of life? I don’t know that he ever found an answer or, indeed, that anyone can. In the end, George chose the path of reducing his suffering and holding on to the only shred of dignity left him. In doing that, he was a warrior to the end. I trust that he is in a better place now, free of pain and hardship. I hope so!
To my commenters:
First of all, I want to profoundly thank George’s sister, Andrea, for her words. I am so grateful that I could bring some comfort and beauty to George’s family in a time like this. I can barely imagine their pain and hope they find solace somehow.
Karen, it is amazing how one can be so deeply affected by friends one has met in the blogging world. And Greek was someone I treasured. My first reaction upon reading his parting words was to sob.
Marc, your eulogy is all that one could ever hope to hear about a dear person. Thank you for honoring George by reading his poem.
Gail, untimely, yes, but saving him from a cruelty that had him spiraling down in a cruel fashion.
Josè Antonio, yes, always in our hearts.
Muff, the sadness is so deep on so many levels. This was MS cruelty at its worst.
Mary, he really was quite a guy.
Nicole, yes, incredibly sad.
The link to George’s quote above is:
http://www.thegreekfromdetroit.com/2012/08/the-supernatural-being.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+TheGreekFromDetroit+%28The+Greek+From+Detroit%29
Marc has written a moving and powerful eulogy for Greek on his website. The link is: http://www.wheelchairkamikaze.com/2013/03/the-greek-in-memoriam.html?showComment=1362639386531#c6016936049645259468
I came to this site as a result of Marc's recent blog on George. By all I've read, George sounds like someone I wish I had known. I am sure George has brought me to this site, to these people, lovely stories and poems and comments from others with ms who sometimes feel they are slowly being "erased." Peace to you George and to all who loved him. Connie
Connie, thanks for paying a visit. I knew George through his blog where, as I have said elsewhere, his goodness wafted off the page. It was a privilege to have known him, and I am sorry he had to suffer so much.
Judy,
What you said to Karen -
"it is amazing how one can be so deeply affected by friends one has met in the blogging world."
Boy, ain't that the truth!
Even tho I don't "know" any of you - I feel like I know you all just by reading your blogs.
Thanks for making this journey a little less lonely.
Dee/OH
Dee, yes, we make the journey less lonely for all of us. I cannot imagine anymore making the journey without the amazing circle of friends who have gathered to weather this storm.Thanks for stopping by.
It has been almost three weeks since George broke these earthly bonds. I loved your poem. He would have loved it. He suffered much, and MS took almost all of him in so many ways. In his final moments, he smiled and was the beautiful man that I so loved. Thanks to all of you for understanding the profoundness of his struggle and his resolution.
Hilda...honored to have been his Mom.
Oh my goodness, Hilda, I am so honored and moved that you have connected with my poem. Speaking for my readers, we are also incredibly honored by your expression of gratitude. I cannot even begin to imagine the pain and loss you are feeling. George is someone who, for whatever reason, I connected deeply with on a soul level and whose final days I continue to think about. I hope, wherever he is, he has the opportunity to be his good and kind and beautiful self again. You raised a beautiful son. My deepest condolences.
I wish I had known of him. I am aware of his mother's blog. Thank you.
My condolences to his family and friends.
Sherry, though the circumstances for you both were vastly different, such pain suffers no strangers, and I figured you two would have something to say to one another.
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