I keep believing
my body’s capacity
for self healing reigns.
Surely keys exist
I can use to open doors
unleashing good health.
I will keep searching
despite how improbable
solutions may seem.
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“A poem is the very image of life expressed in its eternal truth.”
Percy Bysshe Shelley
The poems of Peace on the Journey explore the theme of renewal in the face of adversity.
The book is available at Amazon (paperback and Kindle).
There is only so much one can say in 51 syllables so I was not able to add the following. My late father’s church did an oral history of his life. As I read the results of the interviews, I was struck by how often people remembered that his favorite expression was “The peace of God be with you.” I had forgotten that and have been wondering why on earth I named my blog as I did. I even thought of changing it more than once. Now I realize I was subsconsciously remembering my father’s expression. So the blog name remains.
Dan and Jennifer Digmann, a married couple, both with MS, have written this book of essays about living with Multiple Sclerosis and overcoming its challenges. They have honored my poems by using six to reflect the theme of each chapter. A valuable contribution to MS literature, this book is above all else a love story. Click on the image for more information or to purchase.
**** On Life's Journey
Percy Bysshe Shelley
About Me
Hi, I’m Judy. Welcome to my blog where I present verses influenced by the haiku form, which permits me to distill my thoughts into very few words. These often nontraditional haikus acknowledge life challenges with honesty while also embracing hope and joy. My challenges include caregiving for a spouse and adjusting to my own MS. Sometimes, these experiences on my journey can be gifts of wisdom about life in general.
Now Available
The poems of Peace on the Journey explore the theme of renewal in the face of adversity.
The book is available at Amazon (paperback and Kindle).
Origins of My Book Peace on the Journey
My Other Blog
Followers
Thank You to My Readers
Many of you check in frequently. Some have called my poems inspiring, which has taught me a new meaning for the word. I had always thought being inspiring meant making someone feel enthusiastic and confident. Instead, in referring to my poems, you cite my honesty and feel inspired by it. I seem to express truths you welcome hearing and which help you. I am simply honored that my words could do such a thing. You have transformed what originally was a self-directed activity into one which benefits others. How often does one have the opportunity to do that? Truly I am blessed by your presence in my life. This motivates me to keep writing these poems and to keep expressing with honesty my feelings and thoughts. My heartfelt thanks to you for sharing my journey.
COPYRIGHT NOTICE
Poems, essays, and personal photos are COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL. All Rights Reserved ©Judith Mercado.
PERMISSION MUST BE GRANTED BY ME FOR THEIR USE.
PERMISSION MUST BE GRANTED BY ME FOR THEIR USE.
The header waterfall image is used with permission from
Artist: Michael Dashow
http://www.michaeldashow.com/
Artist: Michael Dashow
http://www.michaeldashow.com/
Thumbnail images are sourced from Wikimedia, Microsoft Clip Art or personal photos. Clicking on an image will bring up its attribution. Or please check the Comments following the poem.
The Haiku Form
I sometimes wonder
if calling my work haiku
offends the masters.
I never intend
to lay claim my poems are
great classical gems.
I am a poet
who uses haiku meter.
That is all it is.
if calling my work haiku
offends the masters.
I never intend
to lay claim my poems are
great classical gems.
I am a poet
who uses haiku meter.
That is all it is.
How This Blog Got Its Peace Name
The mystery solved
I now know the reason why
this blog got its name.
My dad liked to say,
“The peace of God be with you.”
I had forgotten.
The phrase came to me.
I used it unconsciously.
Then friends let me know.
I now know the reason why
this blog got its name.
My dad liked to say,
“The peace of God be with you.”
I had forgotten.
The phrase came to me.
I used it unconsciously.
Then friends let me know.
There is only so much one can say in 51 syllables so I was not able to add the following. My late father’s church did an oral history of his life. As I read the results of the interviews, I was struck by how often people remembered that his favorite expression was “The peace of God be with you.” I had forgotten that and have been wondering why on earth I named my blog as I did. I even thought of changing it more than once. Now I realize I was subsconsciously remembering my father’s expression. So the blog name remains.
How I Get Through This
There are times when I look up and say, how did this happen to me? Asking why usually doesn’t get me anywhere, except depression. My present reality really does not allow me to indulge in such questions. I have to cope instead with adjusting to my currently diminished physical capacity and to the appalling possibility, nay, probability that this can get much, much worse. How do I then maintain my spirit? Who is the Me who remains when so much of what defined me has been stripped away? Can I transmute this reality into something with meaning and value? Sometimes I find little victories that sustain me. Sometimes I find someone like Holocaust survivor Viktor Frankl to help me navigate these questions. At other times I feel that I am in a boat without a paddle in a raging sea. Mostly I am a work in progress living an unexpected life where most of the rules I thought applied don’t, and I am left to rely on whatever inner strength, character, and personal faith I can call on to get me through. But sometimes even inner strength, character, and personal faith do not seem like they are enough. This is just tough. Or theater of the absurd.
The Role of Hope
Research shows that, “in all cultures, the conviction that one’s predicament is hopeless may cause or hasten disintegration and death.” [Jerome and Julia Frank, Persuasion and Healing] The tools available to me to fight this disease are limited. Could it be that keeping hope alive is the strongest weapon in my arsenal?
Success Redefined
I have had to adjust my model for defining success, and it often now includes those tiny steps forward that occur after giant leaps backward. It even includes accepting that no steps forward, tiny or otherwise, may occur. The rules of the game got tossed, and I have had to find a path to serenity and integration which could even include that I might never reach such a goal.
May You ...
Have light shine away
the darkness of your valley
so you can reach home.
Meet along the way
strangers who treat you kindly
and with a full smile.
Feel deep in your heart
the warmth of those beside you
who also love you.
the darkness of your valley
so you can reach home.
Meet along the way
strangers who treat you kindly
and with a full smile.
Feel deep in your heart
the warmth of those beside you
who also love you.
Nelson Mandela's Words
“… during all my years in prison hope never left me … I did not doubt that I would someday be a free man.”
“The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers fear.”
“The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers fear.”
From Marc at Wheelchair Kamikaze
From Nicole at My New Normals
My Manifesto
The following poem generated the most comments and blog links of any of the poems I have written. My response to all the comments is provided below. I now call it My Manifesto.
Judging by the number of comments, this poem obviously resonated, and I can understand why. I also want to share what triggered my writing it. I had watched a recently diagnosed person stand up in front of an audience and say, “I am glad I got MS. I am a much better person as a result.”
He is not the only MSer I have heard say that. What I have discovered is that those who say such a thing tend to fall into two camps. They are either recently diagnosed and/or they are not suffering from loss of mobility or some other dastardly manifestation of this scourge of a disease.
My position on this? As I said in one of my poems,
I have no doubt that I am a more compassionate, generous, less shallow person now than I was before coming down with MS. Would I still have reached this more enlightened place as a result of normal maturation? I don’t know and can’t ever know. I only have the life I have. But I will NEVER say that I am glad I have MS. On the contrary, as I said in one of my other poems,
Whatever accommodation I achieve with this disease will always be one in which I am, only out of necessity, cohabiting with an enemy. If calling it an enemy is too strong, then I can at least say that MS will never be my friend. I am sure psychologists would have a field day with my position. With my own therapist, we’ve declared a truce in which I say I acknowledge, instead of accept, that I have MS. I will never accept, though, that this is what my life should be like. As I said in another of my poems,
And I am glad I still have some fight left in me so I can feel this way. There are enough days when I feel quite defeated by this disease. Then another day comes when a glimmer of light helps me remember the Judy I want to be and not just the MS-Judy, and I go on to fight again. That’s when I can say,
And, knowing that days will come when I will again feel oppressed by the enormous challenge I face, I keep these poems on display so that I can remember who I want to be at my best.
As for finding the peace that is the title of this blog, I can only say that, variable though it might be, I find peace in knowing that I can control my attitude about my life.
Thanks for letting me share my thoughts with you. You make this journey so much easier because of it.
To read all the comments, go to: http://lapazconvos.blogspot.com/2011/01/pet-peeve.html
Here is a pet peeve.
When people say they are glad
that they got MS.
They are pleased because
it made them better persons.
My blood just curdles.
Are you kidding me?
Was there no better method
to accomplish growth?
When people say they are glad
that they got MS.
They are pleased because
it made them better persons.
My blood just curdles.
Are you kidding me?
Was there no better method
to accomplish growth?
Judging by the number of comments, this poem obviously resonated, and I can understand why. I also want to share what triggered my writing it. I had watched a recently diagnosed person stand up in front of an audience and say, “I am glad I got MS. I am a much better person as a result.”
He is not the only MSer I have heard say that. What I have discovered is that those who say such a thing tend to fall into two camps. They are either recently diagnosed and/or they are not suffering from loss of mobility or some other dastardly manifestation of this scourge of a disease.
My position on this? As I said in one of my poems,
I can be grateful
for gifts this challenge gave me
and still hate MS.
for gifts this challenge gave me
and still hate MS.
I have no doubt that I am a more compassionate, generous, less shallow person now than I was before coming down with MS. Would I still have reached this more enlightened place as a result of normal maturation? I don’t know and can’t ever know. I only have the life I have. But I will NEVER say that I am glad I have MS. On the contrary, as I said in one of my other poems,
Full recovery.
That will be my intention
until my last breath.
That will be my intention
until my last breath.
Whatever accommodation I achieve with this disease will always be one in which I am, only out of necessity, cohabiting with an enemy. If calling it an enemy is too strong, then I can at least say that MS will never be my friend. I am sure psychologists would have a field day with my position. With my own therapist, we’ve declared a truce in which I say I acknowledge, instead of accept, that I have MS. I will never accept, though, that this is what my life should be like. As I said in another of my poems,
I will not allow
MS to appear normal.
Absolutely not.
MS to appear normal.
Absolutely not.
And I am glad I still have some fight left in me so I can feel this way. There are enough days when I feel quite defeated by this disease. Then another day comes when a glimmer of light helps me remember the Judy I want to be and not just the MS-Judy, and I go on to fight again. That’s when I can say,
I don’t want to hear
the odds are impossible.
I aim to beat them.
the odds are impossible.
I aim to beat them.
And, knowing that days will come when I will again feel oppressed by the enormous challenge I face, I keep these poems on display so that I can remember who I want to be at my best.
As for finding the peace that is the title of this blog, I can only say that, variable though it might be, I find peace in knowing that I can control my attitude about my life.
Thanks for letting me share my thoughts with you. You make this journey so much easier because of it.
To read all the comments, go to: http://lapazconvos.blogspot.com/2011/01/pet-peeve.html
My Blog List
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I Miss My Little Guy1 year ago
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New Year’s Eve Through MS Eyes5 years ago
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A Few Good Men6 years ago
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Finally, a post!7 years ago
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A mil mundos del mundo.7 years ago
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Buying a Home While Hiding Your MS8 years ago
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Best MS Blogs8 years ago
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Sad News8 years ago
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Who'd a Thunk?8 years ago
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Update about updates11 years ago
COPYRIGHT NOTICE
Poems, essays, and personal photos are Copyrighted Material. All Rights Reserved ©Judith Mercado
Poem Archive
Most of the 2009-2012 poems have been taken down. If you
would like to contact me about those poems, you may email me HERE.
would like to contact me about those poems, you may email me HERE.
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Search This Blog
Dan and Jennifer Digmann, a married couple, both with MS, have written this book of essays about living with Multiple Sclerosis and overcoming its challenges. They have honored my poems by using six to reflect the theme of each chapter. A valuable contribution to MS literature, this book is above all else a love story. Click on the image for more information or to purchase.
I look for the glimmer I can catch in the instant of its existence.
9 comments:
What a timely poem for me Judy! As you know, I had a serious slip and fall accident. I am healing quickly and somewhat "miraculously" according to my doc . He asked me what I was doing to facilitate this rapid improvement. My answer was, "I dunno".
I didn't realise why, until I read your poem. One of the keys for me, at this time, seems to be, complete self indulgence. Being forced to lay low while not being able do all the things I once did before the accident, I went totally into myself. My days have been completely void of responsibility or stress, physically or mentally. I have been able to use my time for mediation, visualization and rest. I really think , at the end of the day, I let go of everything, so I could tend my soul. Within my soul, there is happiness. And that, I truly believe is what has afforded me this speedy recovery.
This may sound goofy, but when stripped of the mundane, and not being focused on what we have been led to believe is crucial, despite the physical pain, I recognized and encountered happiness…from within.
Another factor in my recovery is, I have been blessed with a wonderful Hubber, he has taken good care of me, and encouraged me to “just be”, while he has taken command of the day to day stuff. And my “girls” (Sweet Pea and Beep), have been instrumental in my healing process. The love, and laughter we share, is surely better than any medicine that the doctors can prescribe.
Once again I will be sharing one of your poems with my MS self-help group.
thank you, I love reading each day.
Self-healing does exist! I watch my lesion-riddled body cope with illnesses and see that I bounce back quickly! On the other hand, I have to really, really, really persevere in believing that my MS symptoms will heal also. Each time I read an article about reversing the effects of this blasted disease, I buy into the Kool Aid position. So far, nothing has resulted, but I keep going forward.
Peace,
Muff
HI JUDY - I so admire your faith and determination. It mirrors my hopes most days. I believe this disease has a force in-of-its-self! I also believe that I do, as well. The forces battle - some days I win, some days the disease wins. I guess the key is to keep battling. And your strength and poems helps me to do just that. "Thank you"
Love Gailpeace.....
You so are in line with several Springsteen songs that help Jennifer and me through MS! "Jackson Cage" and "Trapped" (a Jimmy Cliff song which Springsteen sang), both speak of finding keys to solve problems.
From "Jackson Cage" (my anthem, in which "Jackson Cage is a euphemism for MS):
"Just waiting to see some sun
Never knowing if that day will ever come
Left alone standing out on the street
Till you become the hand that turns the key down in
Jackson Cage ..."
And from "Trapped" (Jennifer's anthem which is like her ode to MS):
"Seems like I'm caught up in your trap again
Seems like I'll be wearing the same old chains
Good will conquer evil and the truth will set me free
And I know someday I will find the key
I know somewhere I will find the key ..."
You truly have a gift, Judy. And thank you for sharing it to help us all find that seemingly ever elusive key. Dan
I agree with Karen...when I have to rest...it seems that I bounce back. I think the body does self heal to a degree
Hello, i loved the poem as well. I'm holding a seminar on MS in los angeles April 14th on alternative natural treatments to cure MS . I was diagnosed years ago and have never had another symptom or relapse. my name is tracy and i can be reached at chiroii@yahoo.com or 310-461-5084.
God Bless you
Judy, this is why I often refer to my brain and body and me, all as individual entities. I FEEL them doing their own thing. Hey, I saw a comment from you about my Best MS Blogs, but I think I can't release it---blog drama at my place again, any way I wanted to say I am happy to hear you are going to compile a list---there are so many now and I just scartched the surface. Peace my poet, Diane
I have had MS since I was 23; am now, several decades older. I have lived through long periods of remission when I thought, aha, I kicked this sucker in the behind. Alas, said sucker met me again around the corner. It turns out the disease is still active even when you can’t see external manifestation. During all the years of having MS, though, I have kept trying to improve my situation; indeed, trying so many things, I lost count. Though impossible to prove, I believe my MS is better than it would have been, absent the measures I took involving diet, supplementation, exercise, mental health, spirituality, et al. Indeed, my current neurologist, also a researcher, marvels at how “well” I have done. Instead of pushing medical intervention, he says, “Keep doing what you’re doing!”
So, what have I done? Beyond what’s mentioned above, the one thing that is a constant has been a willingness to keep searching for the, perhaps only metaphorical, key which will open doors. I have lived through enough fashions of how MS is defined and treated that I maintain a healthy [sic] skepticism of what constitutes accepted truths. There is enough doubt about what MS is, what its causes are, and how to treat it that I found the best thing to do is to act responsibly, keep an open mind, and keep searching for the key(s) that will unleash good health. I constantly read about current research, but I also allow myself to be receptive to whatever ideas I find, whatever their source, however humble or unlikely. I have found that, often, though the idea might not be entirey right for me, it might have some kernel I can apply to my situation. In other words, I remain receptive to learning. I also, deep down, believe there is a solution. We may not yet know or understand it, but it exists. This attitude is important because it feeds a posture of seeking, of never giving up, of feeling that I have some say in the matter; especially, since MS tries its damndest to wrest control.
Are there moments when I feel less than confident about my outlook and my actions on this path? Oh my, the better question might be, when am I not concerned? But, through it all, I strive to retain or, if necessary, regain the openness mentioned above. If not, I would face, not just the reality of the disease, but also the consequences of surrender. And, that would mean a loss of hope. I refuse to live without hope.
Karen, you confirm that our doctors, well intentioned though they may be, have only partial knowledge. Indeed, we have to be full participants in creating our own reality with respect to this disease. I am thrilled that you are exceeding their expectations. And, you’re right, we must go within to find solutions as well. And, finally, having a great support network is so important. Mine is not especially great so I know the importance, first hand.
Brenda, thank you for honoring my poem. Too bad I can’t just drive down the road and join you!
Muff, it can get discouraging. Your MS is so more advanced than mine, and I would never minimize the difficulty of keeping hope alive. But we keep trudging forward as best we can.
Gail, yes, two forces, sometimes in opposition, but we try to align them as best we can for the greater good. Your wisdom helps me with that.
Dan and Jennifer, what can I say about being included in the company of the Boss, except that I am profoundly honored. And those songs express precisely what I’m talking about! Thank you for thinking as highly as you do about my humble efforts at expression. Really, they are a cry from the heart, and that they touch someone else’s heart and spirit just makes it all the more powerful for me.
Kim, I think we have no idea just how powerful our bodies can be.
Tracy, good luck with your seminar and with your life.
Diane, with Google discontinuing Google Reader, I am not sure what else they might do, and I don’t want to lose contact with my peeps!
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