On My Journey

Facing stiff headwinds,

I tack and then tack again

but keep losing ground.

The losses pile on.

New normals replace old ones,

scarce time to adjust.

To find peace I pray,

"teach me how to live like this"  *

and to do it well.

* Robert Parker

Getting Things Done

It used to serve me.
Push, push, push, and keep going
to finish a job.

I still complete tasks,
pressing on through exhaustion
until I collapse.

Dogged willpower
stubbornly commands and rules.
Not always for good.

Falls

Orchid petals waft
from their airy loft in trees,
drifting down to grass.

My falls rarely glide
to a cushioning surface,
brain and bones at risk.

Lacking orchid grace,
my last fall injured a rib.
It hurt when I moved.

When It Comes Early

Whenever it comes,
MS is always costly.
In youth it's tragic.

Deprived of choices,
family and employment
take a heavy hit.

Youth should be allowed
full testing of potential,
not blocked by limits.

Truths and Metaphors

tornado wipe out
roofs, walls, foundations, and hope
falling in a heap

earthquake upheaval
most solid footing shredded
wounds needing healing

survivors stumbling
arms stretched out and seeking help
walking in a daze

Lightening the Journey

Companions gather
from all corners of the globe
on the internet.

Veteran or new,
each knows MS's terrors.
No need to explain.

Compassion abounds
among fellow travelers.
The journey is shared.

What's It All About?

Please don't look to me.
I am humbled by my dearth
of true certainty.

While we reside here,
we excel, fail, and just are.
We may find love's source.

In our finite time,
all seems really important.
Precious few things are.

I Deplore …

becoming housebound
my friendship circle dwindling
social life a bust

peeing all the time
being unable to work
money running short

not knowing how much
MS can take credit for
life's seeming shortfalls

Idyll

On dewy Spring morns,
narcissus petals unfold
gossamer beauty.

Within the arbor,
interwoven tree branches
shelter loveliness.

Fed by reflections
on the winding water course,
fantasy takes flight.

Week from Hell and Good News

Like an invasion,
fever, coughing, and aching
took over my life.

As bad as I felt,
even worse was wondering
what MS would do.

What is the good news?
The flu has taken its leave.
The Beast seems quiet.

Memories

A leisurely walk
on surf-gentled sandy shores,
my feet sinking in.

A sprint up the stairs
with excitement in my voice
to share my good news.

A last-minute run
to the theater with friends
to watch a great film.

Acceptance

Acceptance may lag
the clear evidence of loss.
Adjustment takes time.

Unwilling to cope,
resisting recognition
becomes an M.O.

When I am ready,
I will feel my way through it.
A work in progress.

Best Intentions

I took my heels out,
intending to donate them.
I was not ready.

Ten years have gone by.
Someone could put them to use.
I know that but still ….

My heels remain here
where I can touch and see them
until I let go.

Is Hope Always Viable?

What accounts for hope,
for one's faith in renewal
though gloom may prevail?

History may say
the odds favor sorrow's wail,
not joy's healing hand.

Those who struggle with
an incurable disease
may question hope's worth.

Is hope logical?
The facts may point us elsewhere.
Why insist on hope?

When odds are awful,
does hope no longer make sense?
I resist that thought.

I may be foolish,
perhaps tilting at windmills,
yet I affirm hope.

Possibilities
for creating new meaning
will always exist.

What MS Happily Wrought - Finding My Passion

Wrest from normalcy,
unchained from the world's demands,
my heart found its voice.

With a new passion
for poetry and fiction,
I let my heart sing.

Transformed happily,
I quench my sorrow at loss,
welcoming new joys.

What MS Also Wrought - Finding Inner Strength

Through acceptance of
failings, fears, angers and hurts,
I find compassion.

I don't force fit life
into a tight straightjacket
of sheer perfection.

I will acknowledge
humanity's shortcomings.
They come regardless.

While recognizing
life's misfortunes and trials,
I seek solutions.

If I feel despair,
I do not deny its truth,
but find a way out.

For within me lies
finding my own source of strength,
a powerful gift.

What MS Wrought ... The Up and Down Cycle

Sadly compromised
physical capacity
renders life quite hard.

I flounder about
in some rather dark moments,
not my hopeful self.

My family hopes
badly wrenched, stretched, and pummeled
had to be reshaped.

Compared to my goals,
my career accomplishments
turned out to fall short.

Where am I going?
My objectives were thwarted.
What is my purpose?

... still ...

Possibilities
remaining within my reach
are there to be tapped.

New ways of being
may manifest before me
if I am willing.

I remind myself
I can find joy and meaning.
This is no small thing.

... however, maybe ...

I accommodate
to my new circumstances
much too easily.

Is it possible
I am not angry enough
for what was stolen?

Maybe I should be
rip roaring mad and screaming,
this is so unfair!

... stay tuned ... 

You See Me …

Emerge from the fog
seemingly capable of
resuming my life.

With my game face on,
I stumble forward across
the vanishing mist.

Unbeknown to me,
another front approaches.
And so it goes on.

Finding Balance

When does misfortune
become crutch or excuse for
low expectations?

How does one balance
a stark assessment of loss
with inspiring hope?

Where does it begin ̶
one's responsibility
for life's wellbeing?

Same Journey, Different Approach

How does one survive
a predicament bereft
of clear solutions?

It shows true valor
to keep moving on despite
unrelenting loss.

We all demonstrate
through smiles or at times with tears
uncommon courage.

Some prove determined
to find cheer despite harsh odds.
Some just feel sadness.

Yet at times courage
may signify admitting
enough is enough.

Answers may elude
easy evaluation
of what might work well.

Admission of fear
may turn out to be
survival's best tool.

Can we just agree
that this rigorous challenge
is formidable?